Salami is often evil
by Miffymoffy2
Summary: A strange 'Avatar' fanfic involving flying salami.No longer updated 'cause it sucks.
1. Arrival

**This story is extremely awkweird. If you do not like things of this general nature, it is advised that you do not read this, for overexposure to weirdness often results in spontaneous combustion.**

**Disclaimer: I own the general idea of Salamibenders. I do not own the general idea of Avatar: The Last Airbender and its characters.**

**---**

The wind whipped through Katara's hair as she stared out at the ocean below, searching for a place for Appa to land. The sky bison was growing tired after hours of nonstop flight.

"Do you see any land?" Aang asked Katara as he grasped Appa's reins. "I certainly don't."

"I don-" Katara began, but she was cut off by Sokka, who was previously asleep.

"There! I see smoke and a few trees! DOOMED WE ARE NO LONGER!" he cried out joyfully. Aang rolled his eyes but motioned for Appa to land on the sands of the island's beach.

Within minutes, their feet would be planted firmly on the ground. Or so they thought.

---

From the trees, two pairs of eyes watched the strangers. They weren't quite evil, menacing eyes, but they looked rather deranged and angry.

---

Sokka nervously climbed off of Appa's back. "Do you ever get the feeling that somebody's watching you?" he asked his companions. Kitara nodded.

"I suppose so." Aang answered. "Hmmm… I hope there's a spring here, because I'm alm-"

He was interrupted by a flying slab of salami that soon became acquainted with his head.

---

"Hello." said the salami.

"Hello." said the airbender's head.

Ok, not really. Now, back to the story.

---

"What the-" began Sokka, only to be hit in the head with a similar piece of meat. Katara rolled her eyes.

"This is stupid, why are people throwing salami at us?" she asked nobody in particular. Her answer was a shower of salami slices that appeared to fall from the sky.

Suddenly, two semi-fearsome-ish beings leaped down from the trees.

"You leave now. LEAVE!" one of them yelled. The other one began to do an odd voodoo-ish dance while waving her arms about like an insane gopher.

Like it was in response to the gopher dance, a titanic piece of salami fell from the sky and hit Sokka in the head, rendering him unconcious. Aang began to get frustrated but managed to hold his anger in.

"Listen, my name is Aang, and my friends are called Katara and Sokka. We come in peace and we need fresh water to drink!" he said to the two.


	2. Smoothies

Disclaimer:

Blah. Stuff. Don't steal. Blah blah. I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Blah.

------------

"Water? What is this?" asked the first 'salamibender'.

"It sounds dangerous…" said the second one suspiciously.

"Um…Never mind. What _do _you drink?" asked Katara.

"SMOOTHIES!" yelled the two in unison. Katara and Aang were promptly handed coconut halves filled with foul-smelling liquid. Aang poked at it, then licked his finger.

"EW! EW! EW! EW! EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW! EEEEEEEW!" he screamed as he licked palm trees, hoping to rid his taste buds of the horrible flavor.

"_Salami_ smoothies!" said one of the salamibenders with a grin.

"Um, right." Said Katara as she looked at Aang, who was now licking sand. "Well, do you have anything to _eat_ besides salami?"

"Sand. And nasty coconut thingies. They taste nothing of salami." Was her response. Katara began gathering coconuts. She and Aang did not notice a group of unwelcome visitors approaching.

----------

Sokka soon woke up and noticed something. It was a rather large and important something. Some people might call it doom. Others would call it a Fire Nation ship. It was anchored on the other side of the island and soldiers were emerging from the exit. Sokka rubbed his eyes, hoping that this was not true.

"Um, guys?" he mumbled nervously. However, he did not receive a response. He looked around and saw that his sister and the Avatar were gone.


	3. Poobender

_Disclaimer: Cows go "Moo". I go "Steal the general idea of salamibenders and you're toast. I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender." _

_---_

"Katara? Aang?" he asked nobody in particular. Receiving no responses, he stood up and brushed the sand off of his tunic. He looked around, hoping to see his friend and his sister.

Suddenly, Katara emerged from behind several bushes.

"Sokka?" she asked. Her brother quickly turned to her.

"Where's Aang? Please don't tell me those soldiers got him." se said nervously.

"Sorry, but they got him." she said sadly. "What we need is a plan or a secret weapon."

"The only thing that can help us now is a deux ex machina." said Sokka dryly.

Suddenly, a shower of salami slices fell from the treetops.

"You. Poobender. We have a plan." said a voice.

"Well, Sokka, there it is." said Katara with a slight smile. As she was talking, the salamibenders dropped down from the trees.

"Just out of curiosity, what _is _this 'plan'?" Sokka asked the two rather odd salamibenders. One of them handed him a bit of paper. As the plan was rather short, Sokka read this in a timespan of 10.067 seconds.

"We're doomed." He remarked with a dazed expression.

"Actually, _Aang_'s doomed. Let's stop wasting time and SAVE him already."


	4. Moofle' and 'Wapunki'

_Disclaimer: Don't steal. I don't own the most awesome cartoon ever, A.K.A. Avatar: The Last Airbender._

---

Three silhouettes, illuminated by the setting sun, crept toward the ship. They could see the dim figure of a boy, trapped in a cage.

"MOOFLE!" yelled one of them as she climbed aboard and thwapped one of the guards in the head with a piece of salami.

"WAPUNKIIIIII!" yelled the other as she ran around in circles, attempting to create a salami-tornado.

"Um, right." mumbled Katara as she steadied her posture and got ready to attack.

---

As they were distracting the guards, Sokka quickly climbed onto the ship and through a door leading to the cabins. After doing so, he quickly assumed that the reinforced steel door with 4 padlocks held Aang inside. The warrior quickly removed a small lockpicking kit from his pocket and began working away at the first padlock.

When he had unlocked the third padlock, Sokka heard footsteps coming from directly behind him. He spun around to find an axe at his neck.

"Eh. Hello." he said to the angry-looking man holding it. The man frowned, then whistled. More footsteps could be heard.

Sokka could see somebody out of the corner of his eye. He could not quite see their face and he did not dare to turn his head around.

"Throw him in the prison room with the Avatar. We can use him for target practice." A voice sneered. It was a female voice. A rather unkind female voice.

There were more footsteps and the sneering female was gone. Sokka was soon grabbed by the collar of his tunic and thrown into the prison room.

The room wasn't as dirty and uncomfortable as Sokka had expected. In fact, it was ten times more dirty and uncomfortable. There were about 6 1/2 untidy cots strewn about the room. There were a few crudely made wooden tables with chairs to match and - Aang was sitting in one of those chairs.

His head was resting on a table and it was obvious that he was asleep. He was mumbling things such as 'I want a blue turtleduck' and 'No eggs with the salami, please'.

---

On the deck, things were not faring as well as hoped. One of the salamibenders was about to pass out, while the other had actually done so. Katara was quickly running out of energy, hoping that-

**BOOM!**

Appa plopped onto the deck with Momo clinging to the bison's back.

---

"Hello." said Momo to the bison's back.

"I have decided to grow a moustache." said Appa's back to Momo. ((Not really. I just wanted to write about moustaches.))


End file.
